Cristy Burne

Author, editor, science writer

Tales of poo and vomit

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So…a funny tale from Fergus-land…

IMG_4974We had a newborn hearing test today, since Fergus’ ears were too stuffed up at the hospital to give a good result (he was only hours old and it’s common for the test to fail when they’re so little).

The clinic was a short walk away, the sun was shining, yesterday we had a very successful trip to a coffee shop and the day before a great trip to have lunch with Doug (no nappy changes, one feed, no crises), so I was feeling pretty confident. I even wondered about taking the change bag to the clinic, since the test takes only 15 seconds per ear and the clinic is just a short walk away. Who needs to lug a massive heavy change bag for such a piddly distance and on such a hot day? But, since I’m new to all this, I thought it would be good practice to take it anyway. THANK GOODNESS!

Quite Serious Nappy Malfunction

Poor Fergus was virtually cooked by the time we got there…It was super sunny, I was sweating, and he was sandwiched between the carrier and me, so he was also very warm. As soon as I took him out of the carrier he did a noisy poo and then started crying and wouldn’t be consoled. I tried a few different consoling positions before realising that we were suffering from Quite Serious Nappy Malfunction.

Unfortunately, by trying a few different consoling positions, I had successfully spread the leaking poo to a few different clothing positions, including both legs of my pants, the carrier, my shirt, and of course Fergus’ cute duck outfit. Without the change bag we would’ve been faced with Full Scale Disaster. Thank goodness I took that bag! Instead we had a Minor Crisis.

Safe at last?

I found a spot to change him and wiped most of the poo from most of the places I’d managed to spread it (hooray!), and we finished repairs just in time for our appointment. The test went well, but Fergus got hungry as soon as his nappy was done, so I had to breastfeed through the test to stop him from crying (the test only works if everything is quiet). After the test we managed to finish the feed in the corridor, sitting on their nice couch. cuteduckoutfit

But poor Fergus has been suffering from gas and bad burping, combined with lots of vomiting. So as soon as the feed was finished, he let out two man-sized burps and then spewed up his lunch all over their nice couch. D’oh. Whoops. Argh! More wiping up, more repairs, then quick smart back in the carrier and we legged it home. Luckily it’s much cooler at home, and now Ferg is asleep as a semi-nudist on the couch (new nappy in place!), exhausted after such a hot and eventful morning. Busy times!

We’re looking forward to the weekend when we’ll have Doug back full-time to play with…he’s getting much more playful and aware (Fergus, not Doug)(although Doug is also quite playful and aware)…

Can’t believe he’ll be 3 weeks old on Sunday!! Amazing!

OK…that’s my funny tale for this week 🙂 Back to the crazy world of newborn-ness…

And the children’s horror continues next week…I’ll post a great interview with children’s horror writer Alexander Gordon Smith…watch this space!

Author: cristyburne

Author: http://www.cristyburne.com

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