Cristy Burne – Experiment with fun


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Another reason I love science: blood, guts and fine dining in Tokyo’s themed bar

Ever feel like the night life in your city just isn’t cutting it?

Check out my review of Alcatraz+ER, a science-themed Tokyo pub, originally published in Cosmos magazine. I dare you to read it and not secretly wish you could be there. I still have nightmares…

Alcatraz science barPub crawl – Alcatraz meets E.R.
Ever felt it might be easier to ingest your drinks by drip? Maybe you’d prefer alcohol in a capsure? By test-tube? Perhaps a giant syringe is more to your liking? Or you might skip all these niceties and drink straight from the beer bedpan. The only hard-to-find drinking vessel at Alcatraz+ER is a glass.

One of Tokyo’s kookiest and most fashionable bars, Alcatraz+ER is a mish-mash of emergency room, prison and morgue. Just the place for fine dining and a cold one, especially if you don’t mind sharing your space with preserved body parts, blood spatters and X-rays (spot the axe).

Looking from the street you’d never know. But step out of the lift on the second floor of this nondescript building, and things quickly become a little disconcerting.

For a start, there are no people. No reception. Not even any noise. The silent walls are decorated with mugshots and chemistry equipment. At the far end of the otherwise empty room is a barred cabinet holding four buttons: “Press your blood type,” the sign commands. For those who reach through the rusty bars to hit a button, there’s no turning back.

The doors that slide open reveal a cacophony of shrieks, clangings, techno music and reruns of Silence of the Lambs. A nurse in a miniskirt appears with handcuffs and a giant syringe. She cuffs you, then leads you through a maze of dimly lit corridors (the giant floors of which occasionally reveal buried bodies) to the table of your choice.

Less adventurous diners may choose to be locked in a concrete cell and fed through iron bars at a stainless-steel table. Braver punters, unphased by bloodstains and second-hand surgical instruments, can opt to dine in a dimly lit operating theatre. On a first date? Skip those awkward moments when you’re alone as a couple by sharing a cell-for-three with a hunchback or a bloodied mummy.

And just as you start to feel comfortable using tweezers to select tasty morsels from a preserving jar, or sipping from the pot marked ‘Biohazard,’ there’s a blood-curdling scream closely followed by sirens. The place goes pitch black.

If you’re lucky, an ultraviolet glow will light the chaos before the escaped lunatic murderer finds your cell. Wearing striped prison garb with hurricane hair, he sprints through the corridors in an attempt to evade the armed guards who will eventually wrestle him to the floor. Sedation with a giant hypodermic quickly follows, he’s led away, and you’re free to get on with your drinks. Tokyo sure knows how to party.


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6 top tips: Preparing for the NAPLAN narrative writing test

Very soon, around the country, tens of thousands of primary school students will be sitting down to write creative stories for half-an-hour. How cool is that!?!

Rapid writing in action

Writing workshops: we demonstrate rapid writing in action

For a moment, let’s put aside all discussion about NAPLAN and tests and examination stress, and look instead at HOW FABULOUS it is to give kids this opportunity.

Half-an-hour to write a story!

And the stories can be about ANYTHING! Monsters or zombies or magic or football or flying or horseriding or whatever. Even better, the NAPLAN marking key rewards kids for being imaginative and for writing in their own voice. Narrative writing is just story-telling, and kids love telling stories.

47 marks, and less than half of them for grammar

Not everyone (including me) has perfect spelling and fabulous grammar and a terrific command of punctuation. But spelling, grammar and punctuation represent less than half of the marks available.

NAPLAN-narrative-writing-marking-key-2010

NAPLAN narrative writing marking key 2010

So, here’s my thing: Even someone with an awful command of the English language can have a terrific imagination and can tell an emotionally engaging or funny or scary story. And there are boggins of NAPLAN marks available for that. Five marks for good ideas. Four marks for a well-sketched character or setting. Four marks for using conflict to structure your story and ramp it up. These marks can make the difference. But let’s forget about marks for a moment.

Let’s look at the bigger stumbling block:

Question: What stops kids with rotten spelling/grammar from writing terrific stories?

Answer: Fear of getting it wrong.

So here comes my first — and most important — tip for preparing primary school kids to do well in the NAPLAN narrative writing test:

Tip #1: Rapid writing, every day

This is it. Write. Kids who hate writing will hate the NAPLAN test unless they lose their fear of writing. So make them write, every day, for ten silent minutes. They’re allowed to write anything. They don’t have to show anyone or share their stories. They don’t get checked for spelling or grammar. They just have to write, without stopping, without editing, without getting stuck for an idea, and for ten minutes. I call this technique Rapid Writing and I use it in all my workshops. I’ve seen it work wonders in primary school classes where it’s used regularly.

“But Miss…I don’t have an idea.”

So write about how it sucks to have no ideas to write about, and how you wish you could be playing football instead of writing. And keep writing. For ten minutes.

“But I still don’t know what to write about…”

Then write “I wish I had a great idea to write about. Instead of writing this story, I’d rather be making my own video game, and it would have characters riding on dragons and eating lollipops the size of UFOs and noone in that story would have to sit and write because they’d be too busy making lollipops.” And keep writing. For ten minutes.

Tip #2: Make your characters BIG!

NAPLAN sets aside a massive nine points for ideas and character/setting. This is because ideas and characters/setting are what stick with us most when we read a story. We don’t want to read about Bob who woke up and went to school and then came home and ate afternoon tea and then woke up and it was all a dream.

We want to read about Ivan the Terrible who has a bright red beard that hangs down to his knees, and Phoebe Friday who only eats passionfruit for breakfast, lunch and tea, and William Frederick II who last bathed in August because he’s deathly afraid of ducks and can’t stand the smell of his mother’s favourite soap. We want a COLOURFUL character who ACTS in ways we wish we could act, who SAYS THINGS we wish we had the courage to say, who is BRAVE when the rest of us would be cowering in our clodhoppers.

Tip #3: Make the reader feel sorry for your character

The fastest way to encourage a reader to feel for and engage with your character is to do something terribly unfair to your character in the first few lines. James and the Giant Peach begins with James’ parents being run down by an escaped rhino. Terribly unfair. Harry Potter lives under the stairs with his beastly relations. Terribly unfair. Even Cat in the Hat begins with a day so rainy the kids are trapped inside and can’t play. Terribly unfair.

Tip #4: Show us how your character feels

NAPLAN rewards stories that are emotionally engaging. A great way to engage a reader is to show how your character is feeling during the story. During the story, include a line or two that describes how your character feels about what is happening to them. Write about what they imagine might happen, or what they’re afraid of, or how they’re so hungry they’re thinking of eating a slug, or how they’re so sad they want to cry but won’t let the bully see their tears, or how they’re so happy they’re jumping up and down like a kangaroo on a pogo stick. Show us how your character feels.

Tip #5: Make bad stuff happen

If your character desperately wants to win a race, make them twist their ankle and trip over a dog and stop for a slow-moving train. If your character wants to be left alone, give them a surprise party. If your character needs to chase a bank robber across a bridge, make the bridge incredibly high and your character horribly afraid of heights. Whatever your character lives for, thwart it.

Tip #6: Don’t take it too seriously

Just write. Forget it’s a test and just tell a story, the kind of story you’d love to listen to. And if you run out of time, don’t write AND IT WAS ALL A DREAM. Instead, go for the cliffhanger: leave the character in EVEN DEEPER TROUBLE AND WITH NO WAY OUT…. And know you’ve done a very fine job.

So that’s it.

I hope you can use these ideas to make a difference for your writing and for your students. Every child deserves to be able to sit down at NAPLAN time and crank out a story they have invented from their own brain and feel happy about it. There’s nothing cooler than inventing a great story 🙂

Good luck and happy writing! And please let me know if these tips help 🙂

Want more?

I can run narrative writing workshops and incursions with your students, to help put these ideas into practice. For more information or to tailor a workshop, please drop me a line.

UPDATE:

So, since I first wrote this post, my own kiddy has had a first experience of NAPLAN. OMG! The pressure! And the sadness in the eyes of kids who get their result and feel they’re not good enough.

I’m not sure NAPLAN is the way. Even so, I think my tips for encouraging your kids to enjoy the process of writing will work, and I do believe that if they enjoy writing, then writing for NAPLAN will be infinitely less scary.

Writing is about being joyful and creating and thinking about your place in the world. Hopefully, these writing tips help your students to discover that.


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How to write a synopsis: four big secrets and an example

First of all, congratulations to @LiiaAnn, who has finished writing and editing her book draft of 60,000 words, a huge effort and awesome success.  Now the fun bit: how to take all that work and mince it down into 60 words that make an agent or reader or publisher go: YES PLEASE! I WANT MORE.

Writing a synopsis used to be a pain in the rear for me, but I tried and tried and tried, and failed and failed and failed (see below for my “before” and “after” effort at writing a synopsis), and then gradually failed less often. I’m still not very good at it, but I think there are four big secrets:

1) Write your synopsis like you write your novel.
If you write in a sassy voice, use that same sassy voice in your synopsis. If your book is funny, use humour in your synopsis. And if you’ve crammed 10 tonnes of back story into the first sentence, cut it out and start again (just like writing a novel ;-))

2) Write your synopsis, then close the file for a week or three.
Just like your novel draft, a synopsis needs time to breathe. After three weeks of working on something else, you’ll see new mistakes and new room for improvement.

3) Make your words work.
Synopses are short, so pick active verbs and play with your sentences over and over until they are short, snappy, to the point, saying more with every letter.

4) Introduce your main character, what they want, and why they can’t get it.
Character development is the main jist of all stories, and if your reader knows who they’re dealing with and what drives them, there’s a bigger chance they’ll identify with your character and adopt their cause. Which means getting on board with your story and your book.

Want an example?
When I was first faced with writing a synopsis I couldn’t find a decent example anywhere. So, at great personal expense (cue red face), I’m reproducing a couple of synopses I wrote for a book I wrote a few years ago, called Beyond The Safe Zone (a zombie adventure; unpublished and will probably stay that way ;-)).

BEFORE: My first attempt at a synopsis (200 words)

Beyond the Safe Zone is an adventure thriller for readers aged 13 and up, tracking the exploits of protagonist Chase, headstrong foster brother Ari, and pals Vaio and Ben in their escape from the Safe Zone, a closed community where Walls protect living people from the horrors beyond.

Once over the Walls, the friends face a post-Outbreak world, infested with the undead and dangers they’ve only ever imagined. With Ben out-of-action and Ari injured, the four must work hard to stay alive, depending on each other, lying for each other, and challenging all they’ve known of the world within the Walls. When they discover the truth about the Safe Zone and the Mercy who run it, each must choose where their loyalties lie.

Set hundreds of years into the future of a post-Outbreak world, Beyond the Safe Zone is a human thriller, a page-turning ride written for young readers. Beyond the Safe Zone is 50,000 words and my third (unpublished) childrens novel. I am a full-time non-fiction writer and have been writing popular science for young adults since 2002, including time as editor of two national magazines. I have also worked as a roving high school presenter for two years.

(Excuse me while I die of shame; reading that (blogging that!?!?!) makes me cringe!)

AFTER: This still isn’t uber-fabulous, but it’s closer to what I want… (190 words)

Twelve-year-old Chase has never had so many reasons to lose her lunch. She’d never questioned the rituals of the Safe Zone, but then her older brother Ari climbed the walls. Even thinking of climbing was ridiculous, illegal, impossible. But try telling that to Ari. And there was no way she’d let him climb alone.

Now Chase has seen the world beyond the Safe Zone, and it’s enough to turn her stomach. But life within the walls is killing Ari. He wants to leave, to live on the other side. But it’s never been done and there’s no reason to think Ari can do it. So try telling that to Ari.

When Ari’s plan goes wrong, Chase, Ari and schoolpal Ben find themselves hunted on both sides of the walls.

Packed with adventure, friendship, terror and betrayal, BEYOND THE SAFE ZONE is a thrilling read for younger readers. Think the apocalypse behind THE FOREST OF HANDS AND TEETH, the adventure of ESCAPE FROM SHADOW ISLAND and the cutting voice of THE MEDUSA PROJECT. Take a peek beyond the Safe Zone. Life will never be the same.

So what do you reckon? Does that help?
Does anyone have other before/after efforts they’d like to share?

Other posts you might enjoy:

Why I’m self-publishing: Takeshita Demons 4 has risen from the dead

Self publishing: How to design a cover in 5 easy steps

How to keep your New Year Resolution: Papier mache daruma dolls

Takeshita Demons: help us choose the cover art

8 cool myths about dogs, and why the inugami dog-god didn’t make it

Do you love monsters? Check out these Japanese monster activity ideas. Have fun!

takeshitademons_blog-cover 4


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Kangaroos are the new vampires: 5 reasons why

I’ve finished Takeshita Demons and am rewriting the first three chapters of One Weekend with Killiecrankie to feature the hottest new thing in children’s fiction: kangaroos.

Why? Because roos are on the rise! A group of kangaroos is called a “mob” (zombies), they’re mostly active at night (werewolves) and they can swallow their food without chewing (vampires). And that’s not all.

The world does not yet know it, but kangaroos are grosser than zombies, weirder than werewolves and better looking than Edward any day of the year.

Why? Here’s why:

1) Newborn kangaroos are utterly disgusting but all-powerful
A newborn kangaroo climbs into its mother’s pouch when it’s blind, hairless and the size of a jelly bean. Hello super-powers.

And they say theres no such thing as an ugly baby

And they say there’s no such thing as an ugly baby

2) Kangaroos can disembowel their enemies using only their toenails
Say no more. That’s serious power.

3) Kangaroos don’t fart
A supernatural power we’d all like to have: kangaroos don’t produce methane, which means a) their whizzpoppers don’t stink and b) kangaroos don’t contribute to global warming.

4) A female kangaroo can freeze the development of a fertilized egg until she’s ready to rear another baby.
A great technique for taking over the world. At any one time, a single female kangaroo can be feeding two joeys in her pouch and have a fertilized egg waiting in the wings. Incredibly, Joey Junior will be recieving high-fat milk from nipple A, while Joey Senior gets high-carb milk from nipple B (a supernatural power I neither possess nor desire).

5) A kangaroo weighs nearly 100 kilograms, can leap a 3-metre fence and chonks along at 70 km/h.
Translated, we’re talking a roo who weighs about the same as Muhammad Ali, can jump clean over a regulation-height basketball hoop and is able to outpace a greyhound.

Book shelves, watch out! Readers, be afraid! A new genre is birthing, and though it may be just the size of a jelly bean, it’s set to grow. Roo Fiction is on the rise.

Other posts you might enjoy:

8 cool myths about dogs, and why the inugami dog-god didn’t make it

Could Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak really make someone invisible?

How to write a synopsis: four big secrets and an example